NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE (1986) - My God...

[AndyDursin]

From my column this week:

I had never previously seen NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE (97 mins., 1986, R), a VHS staple that starred a pre-“Full House” John Stamos as a college student whose secret-agent dad (George Lazenby!) is killed by a hermaphrodite criminal genius (Gene Simmons!) wanting to poison the city’s water supply. Before you can say “Gymkata,” Stamos applies his mad gymnastics skills to his newfound role as James Bond Jr., teaming up with dad’s prior partner (Vanity!) as they ransack warehouses in search of Simmons’ “Velvet Von Ragnar,” who enjoys performing sexually suggestive songs at biker bars whenever he/she’s not trying to take over the world.

This utterly bizarre B-movie somehow bridges the earnestness and production quality of an Afterschool Special with an R-rated exploitation picture that mixes elements of James Bond films and Mad Max rip-offs. It’s a one-of-a-kind entertainment – horribly directed, amateurishly written and unintentionally hilarious – that’s understandably maintained its status as an out-of-print cult favorite for decades.

With the old Academy VHS release still fetching decent coin on the secondary market, Shout Factory made a wise call issuing this one on Blu-Ray in a combo pack that includes a solid 1080p (1.85) catalog transfer licensed through MGM. The 2.0 DTS MA stereo sound is fairly boisterous, with a TV spot and terrible looking VHS transfer on-tap as an easter egg. While Stamos and Simmons have been receptive to talking about this cinematic turkey, the sole extra is a commentary by “pop culture historian” Russell Dyball.

Entertainment Tonight reports!

[Eric Paddon]

Would have been appropriate if Lazenby's final words were, "This NEVER happened to the other fella!"

[AndyDursin]

LOL that would've been far too witty for this film.

BTW I had no idea Lazenby was married for 10 years to tennis payer/ESPN broadcaster Pam Shriver. Had 2 kids before divorcing. Guess I missed it -- and it did NOT end well (at all).

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/ar ... ed-me.html

[mkaroly]

Gene Simmons...lol...this is why KISS struggled after LICK IT UP up until REVENGE. He was too busy making garbage and brown nosing in Hollywood. Lol...always the goofball and wanting attention.

And Vanity - she's a born again Christian evangelist now, but her life with Prince (and in Vanity 6) and as a drug addict with Nikki Sixx (you can read about the latter in Sixx's Heroin Diaries, a very disturbing but great read) makes her, for me, an interesting figure from the 80s.

[AndyDursin]

Sad that Vanity died last year -- apparently from all the kidney damage she did from years of substance abuse

[mkaroly]

Sad that Vanity died last year -- apparently from all the kidney damage she did from years of substance abuse

Yeah...completely forgot that! RIP.

[Monterey Jack]

Vanity back in the day was something, man.

[Paul MacLean]

A number of years ago I went to the annual "Screenwriting Expo" in Los Angeles, where I attended two classes on film directing -- taught by Never To Young To Die director Gil Bettman.

I've never seen this film, nor any of Bettman's other work -- but whatever the artistic merits (or demerits!) of Never The Young To Die, I have to say he was an excellent teacher. I learned more about film directing from him in two hours than I had in four years of film school. He was an experienced TV director, who had helmed episodes of BJ and the Bear, The Fall Guy and Knight Rider. He later carved-out a successful career as a music video director.

He even screened some clips from Never Too Young To Die as examples of basic visual storytelling (and it was clear he too thought the film was ridiculous)! I can't recall the exact details, but I also remember him saying that the film's producer was an inexperienced kid in his 20s, which didn't help matters.

[Paul MacLean]

Double post!