BROTHERS GRIMM: My Awful Movie-Going Experience of '05
Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 11:09 pm
...And I walked out.
I hate to do that, I really do, but here's what happened:
I was asked by a friend of mine to go to a screening tonight. We got there promptly for the 7:00pm show, which was preceded by 10 minutes of ads, trailers, promos -- you know the drill.
The movie then starts -- with a PARAMOUNT logo. Bad sign #1, I figure. Turns out it's FOUR BROTHERS that's rolling...and only about 5 people in the sold-out audience (my friend and I included) realize it's the wrong movie. My friend even yells out "where's the movie?" to which some guy actually said "be quiet! it's started!"
Now, I can understand if, say, maybe FOUR BROTHERS was being mixed up with WEDDING CRASHERS even -- after all, they ARE set in the same century. But a PERIOD piece like BROTHERS GRIMM and an inner-city film like FOUR BROTHERS -- they're not exactly alike, you know what I mean?
Anyway, after that bizarre circumstance, the guy comes in, stops the movie, says it'll be a few minutes before BROTHERS GRIMM starts up.
We wait 15 minutes. Then the trailers start...the ads...THE EXACT SAME ONES WE WATCHED 20 MINUTES BEFORE. I sit through the ad for Charlize Theron's AEON FLUX for the second time -- it looked promising the first time, but aside from her outfits, I had a problem the second time around. We then watch the same Nike commercial, the same National Amusements ad with Charlie Sheen and the cast of that CBS crap-omedy (which has now been running for over a year)...it's painful.
Then the movie FINALLY starts.
And it's out of focus. The center of the screen is so out of focus that I can't imagine how anyone sitting in the front can stand it -- but then again, this IS the same crowd that thought the beginning of FOUR BROTHERS might have been BROTHERS GRIMM!
I ask an attendant to fix the focus. They reply with the typical "let me check it out" deal, where they walk into the theater because they don't believe you, then proceed to not do anything.
We sit there anyway for about an hour. The movie is AWFUL. The opening scene is completely pointless and quickly proceeds into the main title -- people laugh and ask what the point of it was. I can't understand anything Heath Ledger is saying. Peter Stomare is terrible. The comedy is forced. Lena Headley shows up, trying to look like Keira Knightley with her long hair. Matt Damon's accent is hideous. Jonathan Pryce's cameo is like an extended joke with no punchline. The special effects are awful. The plot is a mess. The score is thankless, phony and unmemorable.
And with all that, about an hour in, we left.
I have only done this a few times in my life (last with SEED OF CHUCKY), but the whole night clearly was deserving of a walk-out. I'll try to give the movie another chance on DVD -- when it WILL be in focus -- but believe me when I say it was such a mess I'm not going to be looking forward to it.
All are advised to proceed with caution!
I hate to do that, I really do, but here's what happened:
I was asked by a friend of mine to go to a screening tonight. We got there promptly for the 7:00pm show, which was preceded by 10 minutes of ads, trailers, promos -- you know the drill.
The movie then starts -- with a PARAMOUNT logo. Bad sign #1, I figure. Turns out it's FOUR BROTHERS that's rolling...and only about 5 people in the sold-out audience (my friend and I included) realize it's the wrong movie. My friend even yells out "where's the movie?" to which some guy actually said "be quiet! it's started!"
Now, I can understand if, say, maybe FOUR BROTHERS was being mixed up with WEDDING CRASHERS even -- after all, they ARE set in the same century. But a PERIOD piece like BROTHERS GRIMM and an inner-city film like FOUR BROTHERS -- they're not exactly alike, you know what I mean?
Anyway, after that bizarre circumstance, the guy comes in, stops the movie, says it'll be a few minutes before BROTHERS GRIMM starts up.
We wait 15 minutes. Then the trailers start...the ads...THE EXACT SAME ONES WE WATCHED 20 MINUTES BEFORE. I sit through the ad for Charlize Theron's AEON FLUX for the second time -- it looked promising the first time, but aside from her outfits, I had a problem the second time around. We then watch the same Nike commercial, the same National Amusements ad with Charlie Sheen and the cast of that CBS crap-omedy (which has now been running for over a year)...it's painful.
Then the movie FINALLY starts.
And it's out of focus. The center of the screen is so out of focus that I can't imagine how anyone sitting in the front can stand it -- but then again, this IS the same crowd that thought the beginning of FOUR BROTHERS might have been BROTHERS GRIMM!
I ask an attendant to fix the focus. They reply with the typical "let me check it out" deal, where they walk into the theater because they don't believe you, then proceed to not do anything.
We sit there anyway for about an hour. The movie is AWFUL. The opening scene is completely pointless and quickly proceeds into the main title -- people laugh and ask what the point of it was. I can't understand anything Heath Ledger is saying. Peter Stomare is terrible. The comedy is forced. Lena Headley shows up, trying to look like Keira Knightley with her long hair. Matt Damon's accent is hideous. Jonathan Pryce's cameo is like an extended joke with no punchline. The special effects are awful. The plot is a mess. The score is thankless, phony and unmemorable.
And with all that, about an hour in, we left.
I have only done this a few times in my life (last with SEED OF CHUCKY), but the whole night clearly was deserving of a walk-out. I'll try to give the movie another chance on DVD -- when it WILL be in focus -- but believe me when I say it was such a mess I'm not going to be looking forward to it.
All are advised to proceed with caution!
