rate the last movie you saw

[Monterey Jack]

The Lone Ranger (2013): 2.5/10

Well...the air conditioning was nice.

Seriously, what a flusterfudge of awfulness. Typically overproduced Gore Verbinski film is a nightmare of tonal shifts (from "wacky" Depp whiteface mincing to shockingly violent sequences including Armie Hammer's brother getting his heart cut out and eaten in a Disney film...happy 4th, kids! ), awkward "humor" that more funny/peculiar than funny/ha-ha (carnivorous rabbits?!), punishing overlength, a wraparound involving Depp as a hundred-year-old Tonto sporting awful old age makeup that makes him look like Billy Crystal in Mr. Saturday Night(!) regaling some 30's kid with his exploits that doesn't work at all and an overall obsession with unpleasant grotesquerie that wears the viewer down to a nub by the time the ungodly 150 minute running time finishes unspooling. Seeing Hammer getting dragged behind a horse that evacuates its bowels and then drags his head through its pile of still-steaming droppings is the most apt visual metaphor for the level of respect Verbinski and his screenwriters have for the source material than I could ever have come up with myself. Were it not for the last half-hour, involving a legitimately entertaining chase sequence (set to a terrific arrangement of the William Tell Overture) that's like Indiana Jones & The Temple Of Doom's mine cart sequence played out with two full-sized trains that's packed full of ingenious visual flourishes and action gags, I would have shaved another full point off the overall score. Shock of shocks, Hans Zimmer's score actually isn't bad, but even given that and the final train chase, it's far too little, far too late to save this miserable pile of crap. Ugh.

-The Mask Of Zorro (1998): 10/10

Had to chase Lone Ranger with this when I got home just to get the rancid taste out of my mouth. Now here's how you update a classic pulp character for the modern day...with wit, style, charm, superior swordplay, respect for the source material (with no "brooding, gritty" reinvention) and an overall bright, humorous tone that goes down like a tonic compared to most of today's garbage. Plus, Catherine Zeta Jones' cleavage.

[John Johnson]

[
-The Mask Of Zorro (1998): 10/10

Had to chase Lone Ranger with this when I got home just to get the rancid taste out of my mouth. Now here's how you update a classic pulp character for the modern day...with wit, style, charm, superior swordplay, respect for the source material (with no "brooding, gritty" reinvention) and an overall bright, humorous tone that goes down like a tonic compared to most of today's garbage. Plus, Catherine Zeta Jones' cleavage.

Along with an outstanding score.

[AndyDursin]

Yeah I ws about to say...Horners magnificent score is an integral part of that films success.

[Monterey Jack]

Yep, that may even be my favorite Horner score. No egregious "greatest hits" self-plagiarism, bountiful melody, exciting action cues...it's so much better than what passes for "adventure" music these days it's kind of heartbreaking.

[Monterey Jack]

The Legend Of Zorro (2005): 7.5/10

Belated-yet-underrated sequel lacks the original's passion, drama and emotion (the commanding presence of Anthony Hopkins is sorely missed), and the humor is clearly aimed at a younger set, yet taken solely on the level of a gee whiz Saturday matinee serial, it's still lots of fun, with ample action, romance and more of Catherine Zeta Jones in those sexy period costumes.

Hey, that's Lost's Michael Emerson as one of the Pinkerton agents!

[Monterey Jack]

Adventures In Babysitting (1987): 7.5/10



Every feathery curl in Elisabeth Shue's rockin' 80's hair looks beautifully defined in the new Blu-Ray transfer. Shame there's no extra features, though...a commentary with Shue, the three kids and Chris Columbus would have been fun. I wonder if the little girl is madly in love with Chris Hemsworth these days...

Lolita David(ovich)? Philip Vincent D'onofrio? Penelope Ann Miller?!

[AndyDursin]

BULLET TO THE HEAD
3/10

Anemic pairing of Sylvester Stallone and Walter Hill results in a claustrophobic, unpleasant revenge thriller that looks and plays like some bad Lionsgate direct-to-video action flick. Tired, poorly -- and drably -- shot, with nothing remarkable happening on any level.

[Paul MacLean]

Pulp Fiction

It's hard to believe this film is nearly 20 years old, and I suppose harder still for me to believe I have never actually sat down to watch it until now!

I'm not a big fan of the other Tarantino films I've seen, but I have to be honest -- I actually found Pulp Fiction very watchable, and am forced to admit it works extremely well.

I find Tarantino an odd bird, a sort of "half-genius" -- a man with an unique gift for arresting dialog and eccentric characters, yet at the same time unable to write a smooth, cohesive narrative arc. There's an originality to his overall style, yet many of the sequences in his films are extremely derivative of older movies. Ironically, despite its non-linear construction and use of vignettes, Pulp Fiction is actually the most cohesive Tarantino screenplay I've seen so far.

The acting in this film is unquestionably great, and the entire cast take Taratino's crackling dialog and run with it. More than anyone else, this film really belongs to Samuel L. Jackson, who gives one of his best performances and emerges as the real star of the movie. Jackson really makes the film for me. But I strongly suspect the final cut of Pulp Fiction differs from what was originally written. It wouldn't surprise me if the Bruce Willis segment was intended to be the final story, but Jackson's performance was so strong, it was decided the diner scene should conclude the film. I can't deny that was the best way to end the movie...but it does seem odd to see John Travolta in the final vignette when he was already killed by Willis a half-hour earlier!

And not all the segments work perfectly. The sequence with Harvey Keitel, though mildly amusing, is an awkward fit, while the scene with Christopher Walken is dead weight (but impossible to cut-out because it establishes the importance of Willis' watch).

There's no question the film is thoroughly disgusting at times (the pawn shop scene in particular) but it is less disgusting to my mind than Kill Bill, Death Proof and Inglorious Basterds. There's a raw energy to Pulp Fiction that is undeniably compelling, and it showcases all of Taratino's strengths but few of his weaknesses. This being his second film, he is deciedly less self-indulgent than in his later movies (there are no boring twenty-minute dialog scenes or long, gratuitous close-ups of feet).

Aesthetically, I'm about as far away from Tarantino as one can get. But I can't deny Pulp Fiction -- while often grisly and disturbing -- is a genuinely compelling film. It's a little derivative (the dictionary title card that opens the film is from the Blade Runner "workprint", while the pawn shop assault is right out of Deliverance), but overall Pulp Fiction is some of Taratino's most original work that I've seen. The film stays with you for some time afterward, which unfortunately isn't the most pleasant feeling. But at the same time I have to admit its lingering effect is a testament to its dramatic potency.

[Monterey Jack]

Pulp Fiction is a masterpiece. And cutting the Walken scene?! That delivers the biggest laugh of the entire movie!

[AndyDursin]

Like most of Mr. Tarantino's pictures, I find it overrated...though it's, by far, the high point of his career.

[mkaroly]

I nearly choked on popcorn laughing at the Walken scene...and the moments in the film that did something for me (for the most part) were the ones revolving around Travolta and Jackson (even though I know everything was connected). I agree that this was a stellar performance by Jackson, and the movie was his.

[AndyDursin]

ROYALE WITH CHEESE!!

His whole career was essentially made by this movie.

[Monterey Jack]

I nearly choked on popcorn laughing at the Walken scene.

Walken was part of two of the funniest monologues in Tarantino movies, the other being the "Sicillian Scene" from True Romance ("You're a cantelope!").

ROYALE WITH CHEESE!!

His whole career was essentially made by this movie.

Yeah...he'd been acting since the late 80's (I think 1988's Coming To America was one of his earliest roles), but prior to Pulp Fiction, Jackson was probably best known as the "Hold on t'yer butts" guy from Jurassic Park.

[Monterey Jack]

Despicable Me 2 (2013): 6.5/10

Pleasant sequel lacks the wit of the first movie, replacing it with the bland "family values" stuff that sank the later sequels to Shrek and Ice Age. It's fun to see a former baddie gradually recant his evil ways when confronted with a gaggle of adorable young girls...it's less amusing to simply see him for the entire sequel as a doting suburban dad with all of his former edges shaved off. Steve Carell's Gru voice is still fun, and the jabbering, incomprehensible Minions are good for scattered laughs (although a spin-off feature devoted entirely to them is a terrible idea), but the villain is a total blank...maybe due to the fact that original voice Al Pacino left the project due to "creative differences" barely two months ago, forcing the studio to hire the considerably less-dynamic Benjamin Bratt to re-record the entire part and synch it to already-finished animation. The whole idea is bizarre...what, Al, you were fine with appearing in Jack And Jill, but drew the line at something as innocuous as this? Kristen Wiig is daffy fun as a potential love interest for Gru, but other ideas end up going nowhere, like one of Gru's Minions falling immediately in love with her...and the movie acknowledging this exactly once afterwards. And Gru's oldest daughter falling for the son of the baddie also goes nowhere, getting dropped like a bad habit long before the climax to the picture. Still, the movie is fun and looks great, but it won't appeal to adult viewers as much as the first one (which wasn't a classic to begin with, just a lot better than one might have expected). Kids, of course, won't mind.

[AndyDursin]

I might go and check out Despicable Me 2 simply because I'm not interested in Pacific Rim or (obviously) the Sandler sequel. Very interesting to see its grosses though. It might just end up being the highest grossing film of 2013, or come close to it.