5/10



The Summer of 2006 was a tough one for Warner Bros., which produced a trio of films that failed to meet box-office expectations: M. Night Shyamalan’s critically-reviled “Lady in the Water,” the expensive (and as such only moderately successful) “Superman Returns,” and May’s would-be action spectacle POSEIDON (98 mins., 2006, PG-13; Arrow), which regrettably marked the final English studio film of director Wolfgang Petersen.

This expensive -- but shockingly not expensive-looking -- remake of the old Irwin Allen disaster classic is pretty much a misfire across the board, with inferior special effects, non-existent character development, and even an annoyingly repetitive soundtrack making for a hugely disappointing movie.

It also doesn’t help that the film suffers from a notable lack of star power: made during the short-lived window when he was netting top-billed lead roles, Josh Lucas stars as a playboy on the move (he’s listed first on the film credits), while Kurt Russell nabbed the prominent spot in print advertising as a disgruntled father. Neither are able to keep the film’s pedestrian survival drama afloat, though admittedly, the movie also doesn’t bother to develop any of the Poseidon’s survivors or the ship itself as they attempt to make it to the surface, following a rogue wave that capsizes the luxury liner before we even hit the 20 minute mark.

Writer Mark Protosevich is the sole credited writer on the film, which is utterly uproarious when one considers his claim that he wasn’t responsible for a single line of dialogue in the picture – and that “dozens” of other writers had worked on the film after him...none of them wanting credit!

It’s certainly believable when one considers the 98-minute (with several minutes of credits) running time is indicative of editors dropping material left and right on the cutting room floor. Perhaps they had good reason to, since what little human interaction there is in the movie is cliche-city, and the cast of young, mostly undistinguished supporting names (Jacinda Barrett? Mike Vogel? Mia Maestro? Jimmy Bennett?) fails to provide much interest; only Richard Dreyfuss, as a newly single gay man (that’s basically the extent of what we know about his character), offers a few unintended yucks when he opts to jump off the ship, only to discover “the wave” rising in front of the moon, and later -- however reluctantly -- sends a Poseidon waiter to his death while trying to escape an elevator shaft.

Director Petersen had the midas touch in directing back-to-back blockbusters for Warner (“The Perfect Storm” and “Troy”) which both were genuinely impressive visual spectacles, but nothing in “Poseidon” clicks, from the been-there, done-that action scenes to production design that seems asleep at the switch (isn’t this a luxury liner that’s been turned upside down? Other than two primary sets, the movie could have been made at a Best Western, with its threadbare backdrops and empty corridors!). For a movie that reportedly cost upwards of $160 million, it’s downright shocking how cheap “Poseidon” looks at times. The opening, computer-rendered shot of Lucas running around the Poseidon’s deck is appallingly produced, with a notable lack of detail and fake-looking water. Adding further insult to injury is the picture’s limp soundtrack, with Klaus Badelt’s tired, Zimmer-esque score adding little to the already limited thrills of “Poseidon.”

Arrow debuts a new 4K UHD (2.39) of “Poseidon” this week and the Dolby Vision HDR adds enhanced color, if not detail, as some of the VFX-intensive sequences still possess a somewhat “glossy” digital appearance. The original 5.1 DTS MA sound was well engineered and is reprised here, while extras include interviews with DP John Seale and production designer William Sandell, plus effects supervisor Boyd Shermis and make-up artist Michael Deak. All laud the hard labor that went into the production and best intentions of Petersen and company, while additional extras include a visual essay from podcaster Heath Holland and archival extras from the previous release.

Yes, a lot of subplots got excised. There were subplots about the captain's affair with the singer. The doomed waiter was the one smuggling the stowaway etc. Dreyfuss's in-your-face gayness was beyond annoying and I knew from the outset he was going to survive just because of his orientation (I keep waiting for his character to at one point shout, "This is NOT a boat accident!"). Unlike the original which became successful because we were given fully-defined characters we could connect with amidst the trappings of disaster (and because there was a reasonable build-up to the big disaster), no one could care less who lives or who dies here.

Ironically, there had been a cable remake of Poseidon Adventure a few months earlier that used more of the source element. It was only marginally better than this (for me, I'd give this film a 3 and the cable version a 4).

I just rewatched that version too -- the Hallmark one -- and it's definitely better. At least the script is. Once you get past the meager production values and inferior staging, the updates to the material are at least somewhat interesting (Rogo as a homeland security officer or whatever, etc.).

I remember NBC ran it in one night and cut out a big chunk (it was meant for a 4 hour slot, not 3 hours) but they did release the full version on Blu-Ray.

It's not great -- but it's better than the 2006 movie!

I remember when this was released even though I never saw it.... Even then, it seemed puzzling at the low wattage cast with only two household names in the cast.....it did sink at the box office as opposed to what Warner was expecting. Perhaps the greatest irony is how it shows how quickly CGI dates... The opening shot that you mention with the fake looking water was the most extensive and expensive work Industrial Light and Magic had done up to that point, and back in 2006, that and the ship overturning were considered impressive enough to get an Oscar nomination for visual effects, but now it just looks cheap and tacky.

I thought it looked tacky in 2006 too!

It really is a vacant movie. They chopped probably a solid 30-45 minutes out of the opening, to the degree you don't know anything about anyone or care about them. I mean the ship is down before you even hit the 20 minute mark. It's more like watching a TV movie than the Hallmark mini-series that got made around the same time! (albeit with a studio budget)...

The score is terrible. Had they bothered developing characters and had a place for a real score it would've been nice to have Horner work with Petersen one last time, but the abbreviated 98 minute cut left no room for anything but the generic tripe served up by Badelt.