Watchmen (the directors cut)
Gosh...I don't know where to begin, except to say this is one of the worst films I've ever seen. From top to bottom it is thoroughly senseless, twisted, pretentious and disgusting.
I wish I could describe the story, but the isn't much of one. The screenplay is a convoluted mess, bogged-down in pointless tangents and irrelevant subplots, and the whole movie (all
three hours of it) plays like a rough "work in progress" with barely any narrative architecture.
There's not a single likable character either. The "heroes" haven't the redeeming qualities to make them
heroes, and yet they are far too two-dimensional to be antiheroes. They're just a bunch of narcissistic losers running around in stupid-looking costumes -- except in the case of Billy Crudup's "Dr. Manhattan", who walks around with
no costume, and his blue CGI willy on display for everyone to see.
The notion that superheroes would (in a the real world) probably come to be regarded as vigilantes and pariahs is an interesting one, but this concept was far-better examined in the more satirical (and more
entertaining) The Incredibles.
For the most part Watchman is an endless barrage of revolting sequences where people do heinous things to other people -- we have a rape scene, a man's arms severed by a power saw, a man murdered by repeated blows to his skull with a meat cleaver and (my favorite) two dogs fighting over the severed leg of a dead little girl -- all depicted with Zack Snyder's typically explicit candor and ravenous appetite for carnage.
Visually the film has nothing new to offer, its style merely a shallow pastiche of a lot of other things. Formulaic CGI effects pervade the film (of course this afflicts most genre movie these days) while Snyder repurposes images from many other movies -- Dr. Stranglove's war room, Altered States' hallucinations, Blade Runner's rainy nocturnal streets, while Dr. Manhattan says farewell to his love amidst the Decker/Ilya "meld effect" from Star Trek: The Motion Picture.
The use of music is also utterly laughable. Songs by Nat King Cole, Bob Dylan, Simon & Garfunkle etc. are troweled into the film indiscriminately, with absolutely no rhyme nor reason to how they relate to the story. Tyler Bates' score consists of the usual unspecific "mood tones" which do little other than fill the silence. The attempt to invest the finale with "poignance" by tracking it with Mozart's Requiem is contrived and heavy-handed. Ironically, despite my dislike of Philip Glass' work, I found the use of his Pruit Igoe and Prophecies the only effective music in the film.
And sadly, despite Watchmen's surpassingly invincible idiocy, the film hardly even gives us any unintentional laughs (though I did chortle a bit when that one character proclaims "What happened the the American dream?"

).
The only compliment I can give this film is that the actors are mostly excellent, and do an do a terrific job, despite being saddled with a script that makes it next to impossible for any of the characters to be sympathetic.
I'm so tired of these "graphic novels" and their shallow, pseudo-intellectual "observations" about society, and the way they pander to angry, sexually frustrated teenage nerds. In the case of Watchmen, the dour tone of the source material is compounded by Zack Snyder, who clearly revels in misogyny, and relishes bloodletting for its own sake.
Terry Gilliam reportedly bowed-out of directing Watchmen because he considered the story unfilmable -- and he may have been right. However, I do think it paring this vague and incoherent narrative down to about 90 minutes and excising the more sickening elements (and giving Billy Crudup a CGI jockstrap) might possibly have resulted in something almost watchable. But as it stands, this movie made me
wretch. It was a useless, nihilistic, sadomasochistic waste of time.